New research shows that taking a five-second break can help calm an argument with your partner. Getty Images
According to new research from the University of St. Andrews in Scotland, taking just a five-second break during an argument with your significant other could help defuse the situation. The study, involving 81 couples and published in Nature, explored whether brief pauses could reduce negative emotions and aggression.
Annah McCurry, a doctoral student leading the study, explained, “We wanted to see if we could reduce negative emotions, and thereby reduce aggression by forcing people to take a short break.”
McCurry and her team were surprised to find that breaks of five, 10, and 15 seconds all had an equal effect on decreasing negative emotions and aggressive behaviour between couples. “We thought that five seconds would be far too short,” McCurry said. “It was not the case… the five, 10, and 15 seconds had an identical effect.”
The study induced conflict and irritation through a competitive game, where couples could blast unpleasant noises at their partner. The person on the receiving end had to wait five, 10, or 15 seconds before deciding on the level of noise to send back, while a 360-degree camera recorded their emotions. Machine learning was used to analyze facial muscle movements and infer emotions.
The findings revealed that partners often matched each other’s aggression levels, but taking a short break could de-escalate negative emotions. McCurry noted that these findings apply to everyday conflicts, not to situations of domestic violence or abuse. “For couples experiencing conflict, everyday conflict like the kids or chores… we’ve shown that you can try to take a five-second break. It might help. It’s free,” McCurry said. “The worst-case scenario is you waste five seconds taking a breath.”
Other psychology experts agreed with the study’s findings. Mariko Visserman, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Sussex, said, “When things get heated, a little pause allows people to behave less impulsively. Taking a step back may help us see the bigger picture and remind us that we do love our partner.”
Janet Reibstein, a clinical psychologist and professor emerita in psychology at the University of Exeter, emphasized that couples are highly reactive to each other because of the significance of their relationship. “There are myriad ways in which you can spark each other off because you are so attuned to each other’s reactions and so dependent on them being what you wish them to be, and how you want them to be on your side,” Reibstein said.
Visserman added that even though five seconds may seem brief, it’s enough time for our brains to work their magic. However, longer breaks might be needed for more severe conflicts and emotions.
Audrey Tang, a chartered psychologist, noted that the study’s participants were primarily students who did not live with each other, which might differ from long-term cohabiting or married couples. “The dynamics will have changed, the ways of arguing will have changed, the techniques and strategies people use will have changed, they’ll probably know how to press each other’s buttons a little bit better,” Tang said.
The study also had a predominantly White participant pool, which means cultural nuances in people’s reactions may not be reflected. Tang, who was not involved in the study, highlighted that different cultural backgrounds might influence the effectiveness of the five-second break strategy.
